Technical Difficulties

Back by popular demand...

2010-11-25T14:45:00.000-08:00

My last post here was in March 2008. That's shameful! The glasses I posted about have grown a little long in the tooth... fortunately I haven't. I've been so busy that my creativity has found outlet only in short status updates. Which is great, but with graduation and the outside world looming right around the corner, I think it's time to re-open my blogger account. Things are going to be different, but in a good way. I am excited.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Watch out for those tryptophans, don't get a TUI!

~Steph

Note to LensCrafters...

2008-03-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

So, I may not be a sales genius... in fact, I am probably the exact opposite... but aren't there a few things that are just common sense? Like, when you are trying to up-sale a customer, should the upgraded product completely negate your main business design? I don't think so...

This morning I finally figured out why I have been having so many headaches this last month. Actually, to be fair, my retinas figured it out for me. If I hadn't gone nearly blind for a few hours today, I may still be working my way through a bottle of generic Costco ibuprofen... only quality generics for me. Yeah yeah I know... once again... I maintain that at this point during the school year, you could put an elephant in my doorway and I wouldn't notice. I’ll notice/remember/do shit when I am on summer break. There will be plenty of time for that nonsense then ;)

I manage to rest the peepers up enough to get home, and luckily LensCrafters had an appointment available in a half an hour, and since I am not far from the mall, I grab it. Short interjection--have I told you lately how much I effing HATE the mall? A few gang bangers came dangerously close to the business end of a Saturn today... its one thing to dodge them in narrow parking lanes when you can see... baggy pants are urban camouflage to the visually impaired.

Anyway... I discover my old glasses are complete crap. The Dr. actually told me the only use for them was to leave them in my car in case I ever get pulled over and I don't have the new glasses with me... I can put the old ones on real quick and fake it... Ahhh... I have found a sneaky optometrist. I like him.

I get my new improved script and sit down with the customer service drone (I am not saying all Customer Service reps are drones... but the ones at LensCrafters were...) and I get the random chit chat. While she is imputing my order, she is working really hard at upselling me to the highest quality lens they offer. This is all being picked up on the Stephanie Feilzer tab, I have no vision insurance, so I am trying to be frugal. Nonetheless, she actually just about succeeds (I know, I am terrible. Never take me used-car shopping) when she slips in "The only thing is, if you get this type of lens, your glasses won't be ready in one hour". Ok, I am patient. I ask her how long they will take. "Oh two weeks or so... but I ordered mine two weeks ago and they are still not in". WTF??? LADY .. I CAN'T SEE! How the heck am I supposed to go two more weeks without seeing? Hmm... I can't see... I need to see... I have a lot of work to do... How can I see quickly? AH! LensCrafters... glasses in "about an hour". Problem + 1 hr generic vision place=Solution. Two weeks does not work anywhere into this equation.

So I get the lower quality lenses. Not shockingly, they work fine. I still manage to plunk down a nice chunk of change. I was going to buy a laptop for school. The laptop fund will now reside on my face. Oh well...

But... I can see... and they are cute :) I offer the pic below as evidence. And yes, I am a girl. I have a new accessory.

2008-01-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

1. You fridge contains a half a loaf of bread, peanut butter, and Rockstar

2. Your cat has taken full control of your apartment, including its decoration, arrangement of furniture and apportionment of bedspace.

3. You have forgotten your roommate's/spouse's/best friend's/significant other's (or all of the above) name on more than on occasion. However, you know the Pizza Hut deliveryman on a first-name basis because he comes by your house three times a week.

4. You utter vulgarities that would make a sailor blush on a daily basis.

5. The number of inanimate objects in your home that will become airborne is directly proportionate to the difficulty of your reading assignment.

6. You call in sick to work just so you have time to shower.

7. All the closets in your home look like this:

8. You haven't seen a movie, the inside of a non-drive through restaurant, or natural light other than through the library window in months... and you no longer care.

9. You run out of clean socks so you go without... In January.

10. Where ARE your shoes/keys/wallet/pants?

11. You take a nap and dream about sleeping.

12. Torts are not a dessert.

13. IRAC is not a country.

14. Proximate cause can kiss your butt.

15. You are reading this list and nodding your head... but you feel guilty because you are not studying.

Revenge is meaty

2007-10-16T01:15:00.001-07:00

So I have these crackhead neighbors who love to cook pork chops around midnight. They have been doing this at least once a week the entire year that I have been here. Maybe it is the pothead next door with a case of the munchies... I dunno. But it is definitely pork chops. Now, I am up for a nice lean cut of pork now and then, but I can say that at midnight, that would be about as appetizing as a jarful of pickled eggs (ask my Uncle).

And last night... they burned them... badly. It is hard to sleep when your eyes are watering and the acrid smell is making your stomach turn.

Tonight... victory shall be mine! We have a potluck at work tomorrow and against my better judgement said I'd bring pigs in a blanket. And I didn't get around to making them until after midnight. Sweet. I had no intention of burning them, but I have a feeling half this block of apartment smells like piggies and pastry right now. And maybe, just maybe, I dropped a few of my untensils for good measure.

I am evil. An evil cook. Muhahahaha!

Enough of this culinary warfare. Off to bed!

Legally Insane?

2007-09-03T00:37:00.001-07:00

So Tuesday marks the first day of my part time work life. It couldn't have arrived sooner. The last three weeks have been like dogs and cats living together... you know, mass hysteria ... and I've learned a few things. Yes about the law, but about other stuff too. Like how it’s only really worth sacrificing sleep to shave your legs when the temperature gets above 100... and that has happened twice. And screw Atkins, the best diet is pure unbridled fear. It’s really tough to eat when you fee nauseated 95% of the time. I've lost ten pounds... seriously... since starting school. Although desperate times call for desperate measures. It is possible to eat a pork chop with one hand and brief a case with the other. Silverware not necessary.

And to cap off my last week of full time work, I completely blow getting called on in class on Friday, and this weekend my A/C exploded (literally... I am lucky my apt. didn't catch on fire) and my debit card got hijacked. Someone stole the numbers and tried to charge 500 dollars to it at Office Max yesterday. So I have no working card, and no means of getting money until Tuesday. I've got money in the bank but 50 cents in my possession. I guess that's better than 7 cents. Oh, and still haven't slept much. Anyone want to come bring me a portable AC and change my sheets for me? ;)

It just keeps getting better folks! On a more positive note, thanks to everyone for their moral support. Love you all!

~Stephie

What the hell have I gotten myself into???

2007-08-08T21:56:00.001-07:00

I went to the first two sessions of Law School "boot camp" this week... we have one more Friday but it is a cocktail party for family. No bf, no husband... I may be the only one bringing my parents! Schweet!

But that really isn't the issue... The issues are that I know nothing... been called on three times and failed three times. My books cost as much as a month's rent... no lies... and I had to take them on credit against my loans. Oh, and I am expected to put in 40 hours a week and even right now can't seem to efficiently juggle both.

All that... and classes haven't even started yet. That fun begins Monday. What I've learned so far? Who not to sit by EVER EVER again! It's one thing to want a law degree so badly to study way way way ahead. That's your perogative and that's great. It's another to mumble along when the dean and the professors speak and distract other students. Noisy little suckup.

I have received a lot of messages from friends this week simply stating "You can do it. You can do anything". I do appreciate it but I wish I had as much faith in myself as everyone else does! If you call or email/text/myspace me in the next few weeks and don't hear back from me right away, please know that I am not ignoring you. I will get to you... and your message is getting through, so please keep sending them. Even though I may not respond right away I really will like hearing what is going on with you! Send invites too, I still will pop up now and then, so keep me informed :)

Whew... that was nice and cathartic. Where's the tylenol?

Vacation ... everything I ever wanted

2007-07-25T02:04:00.001-07:00

I am officially on vacation until Monday :) And I am a bit manic, I searched the closests for things I need for camping 20 minutes ago hehe. Though I am not in Pinecrest yet, I will be soon. For now, my apartment definitely looks like an upcoming trip:

So come on noise violations! But let's skip the vomitorium this year...

And yes, I will be bruised and happy on Monday!

~Stephie

P.S. Oh, and if any of you see the Simpson's movie without me this weekend, NO SPOILERS!!!!

Law School Update

2007-07-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

I got my financial aid offer for law school yesterday. The good news is that it is a full award, which means it covers all school expenses and I will even get some back for living expenses. In fact, it is enough that I could potentially reduce my hours at work and may have a tiny semblance of a life... if they don't freak out when I ask. BUT... and isn't there always a but? It is all in federal loans. Which means I will owe the federal government around 100,000 dollars when I finish, adding in my previous loans. And I would have to find outside health insurance because my company only pays for full time employees. I am really overwhelmed right now I have no idea where to start. Do I throw caution to the wind and do it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

~Wildflower

To my favorite Monkey and the best brother in the world…

2007-07-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

Our last adventure together (for a while) began before dawn. Well, if you want to count details it really started the evening before. But in the wee hours last Saturday morning, on half the needed sleep and twice the necessary caffeine, I hurriedly packed my things and took off to help my little brother move 400 miles away.

And hour … and a few tears … later Jason, Sada, her mom Kandy and I were on the road. I am thinking of my mother, who we left crying at the sight of our caravan pulling away. It feels awful to know your mother is crying her eyes out but there is nothing you can do about it. Fortunately, trying to catch up with the U-Haul that would be my main source of scenery for the next six hours took my mind away from my poor mother and back to the long road ahead. Almost fittingly, I noticed that one of us must have bumped into the passenger side mirror at the gas station earlier… it is completely pushed out and there is nothing I can do about it with the car in motion. I can't see a thing out of it. I sigh and promise myself to be careful until we stop in Bakersfield and where I can fix it.

Three and-a-half hours, five phone calls and three CDs pass, and we're in the thriving metropolis of Bakersfield. All four and a half (don't forget Chuck Norris) travelers look a little worse for the wear as we gas up and refill ourselves on caffeine. Chuck poses for us, and we are back on the road. And your suspicions are correct; I forgot to fix the mirror. By the time we arrive, I will have driven nearly 400 miles with no passenger mirror. This is what four hours of sleep will get you!

Other than a minor heart attack as the U-Haul breaks down momentarily on the 5 just outside LA, we arrive in Long Beach in one piece and so do the three cars. Shelby arrives from Moreno Valley to help. Yay Shelby! Now a true friend will drive an hour and a half to help you move J Unloading is quite a trick… the normal entrance to the apartment in down three short flights of stairs and involves a sharp right turn. So we opt to follow the maintenance man, "Homer's", advice and pretty much load them through the shrubbery (yes I said shrubbery) and over a small cement barrier. We are earning our stamina points today. It all gets done though, along with the discovery of the lack of a fridge or hot water. Cold showers all around for the next couple days.

The next day and a half are full of laughter, food, beer and beaches. I take a nice spill at Bolsa Chica but didn't care much. We are in awe of the coastline… being native valley people ourselves. Chuck has a great time… maybe we took a few too many pictures of him but I don't care. With five people, then four, in a one-bedroom apartment, it was kind of like camp… so silly things don't count damnit! True to Feilzer form, the highlights of the trip are the things that go wacky, not the things that go right. Like getting lost and driving through an underpass… directly under a plane taking off from the dinky airport. Again, it's a different world for the valley people!

Monday afternoon comes too quickly and I get a lump in my throat on the way to the airport. In an hour I'd be in the plane taxiing across the freeway. I barely hold back my tears as I say good bye. Fortunately, the tiny airport makes me laugh as I trek outside twice to get to my gate. Jet Blue is a sponsor for the Simpson's movie, so I get Simpson's episodes to banish the rest of the tears for a while. This is good, I hate crying in public. Before I know it, I am home.

So it's been a week little brother, I miss you a ton already. Good luck, I can't wait to see your name up in lights. Do the Feilzer's proud!

~Wildflower/Stephie

Goodbye and thanks for all the deadbeat fish

2007-06-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

I just said goodbye to one of my best friends... she is moving far away in the morning. I have not cried that much in a while nor have I been struck speechless... well, not ever but close to it. The funny thing is, I've only been friends with this wonderful person for about nine months. I have known her for about a year, but it took a while to get to know her because of my own personal problems I was facing last summer. Of all my great regrets, not extending the hand of friendship to her sooner will be one of them.

With that said, even if I had become friends with her sooner, she still would have been in my life for a relatively short amount of time. One of the things she and I actually did manage to say between sobs tonight was how neither of us knew why we were brought together for such a short time, but bonded almost instantly. I don't want to say I believe in fate, but I am at the point in my life where I am pretty sure everything was meant to happen for a reason, as was this relationship. She pulled me out of a very bad place and a cycle of anger, and put my feet firmly back on the ground. I think I helped her with my wisdom (don't laugh, it's true) and the few years more life experience I have on her. But most of all I think we needed to meet someone who could shake things up and give us an entirely different perspective on our lives. Nine months later, I am working on being a better person and better to myself because of her.

Also, I have to give her a great amount of thanks for bringing me closer to several people that I have known for a long time but was too wrapped up (or maybe just too lazy) to get to know. These people are amazing, and my little world is a better place with these people in it and I owe her a big debt of gratitude because of it.

Thanks Barbara, I am really going to miss you.

~Wildflower

P.S. Thanks for the inspiration on the title Katy.

Why I might get kicked out of the girls' club... thanks for the idea Jaye!

2007-06-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

So this is the "other side" of Jaye's famous (or infamous?) blog. I have always said I tend to be more "one of the guys" but now think I may actually be close to getting kicked out of the girls' club permanently. Here's why:

--I hate soap operas. Enough said.

--I am the only woman in the world who really doesn't like shopping for baby clothes.. Better yet baby "outfits". Babies are great, I like them fine. Searching through racks and racks of "oh so cute" but "oh so not functional" in miniscule sizes makes my head spin. And don't even get me started on the designer clothes for the wee ones.

--Thong underwear. Can't stand it. I know I just made myself very unsexy, but I don't care. My cheeks deserve equal coverage.

--I can read a map. I've been told women can't. I am darn sure I can. And I think I have stopped for directions once... ever. And I made my friend get out of the car to ask!

--I don't know what that "not so fresh" feeling is. Please don't tell me, I am sure I don't want to know!

--I don't get the point of manicures... especially ones that include fake or partially-fake nails. I've had three total in my life. Once for prom, and once for each of my weddings... but nothing false involved!!! I may have painted them now and then on special occasions, I just don't get the need for extensions to my hands! Is anyone REALLY looking that closely at my hands? And if they are, I'd be more inclined to do something about my face... that's where the focus is supposed to be when people look at you!

--Brad Pitt really isn't hot. I think he spends more time on his hair than I do. That's never good.

--This grown woman/princess thing... Haven't we had about enough of this yet? If you are over 11, you don't need to be carrying or wearing anything with "Princess" written on it in glitter. Give me a break. This is why we don't get taken seriously ladies. Can you imagine Hilary or Condy pulling off something like that?

And... finally...

--There IS NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! Period!!!

So yeah... kick me out of the hen's nest or whatever. Maybe the other discarded chicks and I will start our own club. Nail polish and bad daytime drama not allowed. Applications welcomed!

~Wildflower

Under Pressure

2007-05-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

Another show, another hell week! For anyone who had not heard, I am stage managing "Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille" for Rising Phoenix theatre. It is directed by Jaye and my brother is performing in it. You can check out more info. on Rising Phoenix's page at:

http://risingphoenixtheatre.blogspot.com/

It is a great little black comedy that I am really excited to be involved with. Come see it if you can! :)

Ok, moving on now since I have given the plug. "Hell week" is coming this week, I think it may take a lot of coffee to get me through it. Seven days straight out at the theatre. But you know what? I love it. It is amazing how something intense like helping putting a show together can motivate me so much. I have done more today to prep for the upcoming week that I really would want to force you to read. :) But in short, I have cleaned, prepared an easy and healthy eating plan for the week (and even shopped for it!) and planned my budget to include trips to Lockeford. I have set it up so I can crash when I get in for the rest of the week, no need to worry about getting home late. Most of the time I just kind of let things get done when they get done. A little extra responsibility is good for me I think. Or a little extra stress? Pressure? Any of that works. Hmmm... this just adds to the theory that I need to go back to school :)

~Wildflower

And six months later, it is like finding light bulbs in a cooler...

2007-03-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

Six months folks. Six months living on my own. It finally feels normal ;) Tonight I had a bit of an epiphany. One of the lamps blew a light bulb, and I could not find a replacement. I was starving so I took a break from my search to eat dinner. While eating, I had a very strange feeling that they were in the cooler at the bottom of the coat closet. I had a vague recollection of my six-month younger self, throwing things in any box that had any room left at 7:30 the morning of moving day. Somehow the thought of the cooler and the bulbs stuck with me. So I pulled the thing out of the bottom of the closest (of course with stacks of stuff on top of it) and low and behold, there were my light bulbs, safe and sound inside the cooler. The rest of the memory flooded back to me... that morning I was too frantic to wrap anything breakable, so I tossed the bulbs in the cooler, figuring they would be safe there. Genius? Maybe. Eccentric? Probably. How I lived here six months without burning out a bulb? A mystery. But it was an interesting surprise no matter which way you look at it. I forget my lunch, my umbrella, my jacket, people's names, etc on a daily basis. But yet, I had a vision of the light bulbs being placed in the cooler on a crazed morning half a year ago. It goes to show that I still can surprise myself, and the simplest necessities can get lost in the shuffle sometimes. But they still linger there, and apparently still live in my mind. This is good to know.

~Wildflower

Frustration

2007-03-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

My a$$ hurts, I can't shower, I can't sit (and therefore can not work), I can't lay on my back, I can't use the bathroom without pieces of gauze falling into the toilet, and I can't exercise in any real fashion. All I can do it sit... excuse me LIE... around like a slug all day. My computer is on the floor and it has become my fort. I am bored as hell... I WANT to go to work!!!!! But that requires sitting. I am absolutely at my frustration level now. I am done. A "sponge bath" took me 20 minutes tonight because I had to do it in stages to ensure bandages did not get wet... including washing my hair in the kitchen sink. I am getting really grumpy, and worse yet, my sense of humor is waning. I guess I am being tested.

Sigh. Ok, that is a little better. Thanks for listening to me complain. I know it is not that bad, I feel a little guilty complaining because a lot of people out there have it much worse. My thoughts are with them now that I have successfully vented.

~Wildflower

LSAT - Update

2007-03-03T00:59:00.000-08:00

I didn't think I was going to post it, but decided to do it after all, that way everyone can see the exact story for themselves. I got my score today, it wasn't supposed to come until Monday but it arrived early. I got a 155, which puts me in the 65th percentile... Far below the 80-90 I needed for extra- or full-financial aid. I am trying to look on the positive side of things and tell myself that even though I have been out of college for almost six years, I still scored higher than 65% of test takers. It definitely could have been worse. Still, I can't help be a little disappointed, but life moves on. I haven't given up on law school, I just now need to take some time to figure out my plan B.

Thanks to everyone for supporting me and cheering for me, I really do appreciate it.

~Wildflower

A New Day

2007-02-20T20:30:00.001-08:00

Today I officially filed my divorce papers and moved into a new office at work. Felt fine about filing the papers (other than having to endur the crazy screaming lady at the steps of the courthouse) and love the new office so far. Clearly today is a day for change. So today is the day I let go of the past and move on. From this morning on, I am taking care of myself and treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

~Wildflower

We are in the paper!

2007-02-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

Yep, my company and boss got profiled today... You can even see my book in the pic! Check it out:

http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070217/A_BIZ/702170319

~Wildflower

Hint of spring

2007-02-11T22:29:00.000-08:00

There was spring in the air today, I could feel it... I feel the first hint of it sometime just about every February. For the first time in months I was able to relax on my balcony... barefooted even! It was heavenly. I am a warm weather junkie, I kind of go into a cocoon in the winter. I could even smell the faint hint of bbq, hear the crack of the baseball bat, and even felt a little of the rich earth from camping. Ok, so maybe I cheated on the last one, I gathered some camping items from storage (because we needed to clean it out) and some were still dusty from last year's trip. But warm air and sunshine bring the hope of good times to come.

~Wildlower

LSAT LSAT LSAT--I am done!

2007-02-10T14:54:00.000-08:00

So for the good, bad and downright ugly, it is over. My brain feels like a pile of mashed potatoes... But I finished the whole test. There were a few rush rush moments at the end of each section, but that is ok. Now, time for a well-deserved nap! If you can, come meet me at Bogey's later tonight and help me celebrate!

~Wildflower

Wake me up when winter ends...

2007-01-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

I am cold, tired, and just done with this season altogether. This is not bad, usually this hits me much earlier in the month of January. But I am dreaming of baseball, camping and bbqs. Better days really. I said last summer that I wouldn't let it get ruined again with relationship issues like the summer before, but it went that way anyway... But this year will be a fresh start. New(ish) place, new divorce... and back to an old, strong name. Now, if anyone has any suggestions on how to scrape the money together to get these things done, I welcome them! :)

~Wildflower

90(+) Days

2007-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

I have now been living on my own for three and a half months. I meant to post this at the exact three-month mark, but I was busy with things such as Chrismahanukwanzakah parties at the time :) It is not been the best three months ever, but far from the worst. However, as with all new experiences, there was a lot to learn...

1. Recent marital separation, moving in a hurry and head colds are a recipe for disaster. Good friends are there in a pinch to help. Just watch out for the vodka.

2. A 22-foot U-Haul filled with the contents of a one-bedroom apartment is overkill. However, it does come in handy to transport the stray drill press.

3. Three educated young adults can take 20 minutes to figure out you need to TURN a drill press to fit it in the trunk of a Toyota.

4. Potholes, a dark parking lot, wedge sandals and bare knees don't mix. I have a scar to prove it.

5. Favorite shoes get lost in hurried moves. And then they reappear only to punish you. See above.

6. Dial-up and Rabbit ears suck. Really really suck. Nothing sadder than watching American Idol Rewind for the millionth time while waiting for the @#$%ing modem to connect. Real TV and/or internet should always be the first indulgent purchase.

7. Toilets can and will explode. At the most inconvenient time. Like, when you are already late for work and most of your towels are still packed.

8. The maintenance man is your new best friend. Make sure he knows this. If you want to know why, refer back to number 7.

9. Apartment trick-or-treating just isn't what it used to be.

10. If you dress as Lt. Dangle and Deputy Clementine for Halloween, your life will resemble theirs more than your own for the time being.

11. Nissan Frontiers are really had to break into. Especially when the engine is running and you are dressed as Lt. Dangle and Deputy Clementine.

12. Housewarming parties are good. Very fun... But there is such a thing as too much lasagne.

13. Christmas lights are dangerous. Use them only with caution or you may lose a few fingers.

14. Hanukkah decorations are surprisingly flammable (ok, I know this one wasn't at my house specifically, but it is too good not to include).

15. If a group of guys follow you and your friends back to your house, collectively calling them "who-ures" is one way to establish their status. Some will protest. Some will be proud :)

16. It being your birthday rationalizes everything you say to your guests, no matter how off the wall.

17. DVD players are fickle.

18. Finally... don't forget to ask for help! Thanks Mom, Dad, Jason... all my movers, great friends and support team. Couldn't have done it without you.

I know it is cliche... but a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I think my toes are finally pointing in the right direction :)

~Wildflower

It's my birthday!

2006-12-30T00:09:00.000-08:00

It is my birthday! As of five minutes ago... I am 29 baby! :)

And a very happy Chrismahanukwanzakah it was...

2006-12-16T14:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a year in the making, but the first annual Chrismahanukwanzakah party came off without a hitch, and a very good time was had by all. Thanks so much to everyone who came to celebrate with us and for sharing a piece of your holiday. Joe, I won't soon forget the "horny chicken" :) And the Latkes, egg nog, and cajun food were in abundance. As was the wine! hehe I have posted a couple pics below... Sorry they are a little dark, I forgot my camera and took them with my phone. There will be more later, Jason had his camera. Thanks again and Happy Holidays!

~Wildflower

Clark Griswold, stay away from me!!!!

2006-12-05T22:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I got motivated and Christmased-up my apartment tonight. I got a little tree, and put up the lights and knick knacks... In the process, I managed to break the antenna off my stereo (while moving to make room for the tree) got sap all over my hands, tree dirt and water all over the floor, broke two bulbs by stepping on them (new lights too)... spilled my glass of water all over the computer desk, then almost chipped my tooth taking a drink, couldn't figure out why the electrical outlet wouldn't work (still can't... must be busted) and then to cap it allllll off, I just about electrocuted myself. I did not notice the broken bulb near the fingers on the hand not hanging lights, and my finger went right in the LIVE socket. OUCH!

But hey, what's a little electricity through the body when you have Christmas spirit? I just got to look out for a party-crashing Randy Quaid. No Chrismanhanukwanzakah latkes and ham for him! hehe

Hallelujah, holy sheet. Where's the tylenol?

~Wildflower

Goodbye

2006-11-20T03:35:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Kiley's, its been the best. And Mr. Mike Kiley, all the best to you.

Mr. Pombo, I say good day to you!

2006-11-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Hehe, I was looking for a regular picture, but I could not pass this up!

Bye. I am gonna MISS him! <---Insert Venkman sarcasm here.

And... on an unrelated but equally exciting note, my best college friend Shelby is going to be here this weekend. Sweet!

~Wildflower

Humor... Innate or Achieved?

2006-11-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

I used to not be funny, but now I think I am. Don't get me wrong, I have always had a good sense of humor. A good laugh has always been one of my favorite things in life. But I did not have the gift of making people laugh until my mid-twenties. In my young, sweet and innocent days I tried to make jokes, but they went over like lead balloons. The more life experience I earned, the funnier I became. I hate to say it, but the biggest setbacks in my life paved the way for my greatest jokes. Lately, I am almost to the point of despair. Don't worry, I said almost. And I have come up with some jokes lately that impress even me! And I am my own worst critic. So, my question: Humor. Life's merit badge?

~Wildflower

Nothing like a breakdown to end the week

2006-10-21T01:21:00.000-07:00

So as if hell week wasn't enough, the opening night of the LAST EVER show at Kiley's Dinner Theatre has been canceled. That's right. Canceled. Not enough reservations to go on with the show. Needless to say, we were all extremely disappointed. I actually cried. It wasn't right away, but after the bulb in the spotlight (which is my baby and duty during the show) broke, and we had to discuss how to get a new one (which could be expensive). I am so sad about all this that I am ready and willing to buy the replacement bulb. I just hadn't felt more depressed in a while. I looked at the director and apologized... not that I had done anything wrong, but because it was SUPPOSED to be final dress rehearsal and things looked very bleak. Then I teared up and had to excuse myself to the bathroom. The breakdown I have known I was due to have ever since Mike and I decided to separate, Kiley's announced its closing, and and a very nice childhood neighbor of mine passed away all in one week finally happened. The straw broke the camel's back and it took forever to stop crying. I feel bad, I held up rehearsal. And all of this makes me feel especially bad for poor Kiley, who put his heart and soul into his theatre and never got any financial gains in return. My heart aches for him, and I even more so understand why he has to close. But my heart aches beyond the ache for him... It aches because this is the reality of the arts in America. It seems that most of the time people don't notice or just don't care.

So... in summary, it is too late for Kiley's. Please come to the last show anyway, running now until Nov. 18th, call 209-366-2100 for reservations. I ask you to come to see a fantastic show and to see Kiley's off in the way that it deserves. But please learn from our example... Support the arts, don't let this happen to anyone else/any other theatre.

~Wildflower

Common Symbol of October:

2006-10-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

(In)dependence

2006-09-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

So I have completed week one of completely being on my own. It is nice, I won't negate the pleasure I found in it last week. But I have learned some things in the last seven days. For example, living alone really stinks when you take a nasty spill in the parking lot in the middle of the night... and bleed for the rest of it. And then seriously consider calling your parents and asking them to get out of bed to take you to the emergency room. This is something that can never be a proud moment for someone on the downward slide to 30. I know that when I was younger, my parents' biggest fear was that they would get a call in the middle of the night saying I was hurt and/or needed to go to the hospital. The call never came, but one time I told them I needed to go... long story. But somehow, the playing field has leveled and now I worry the same thing about them. Isn't it weird how things like that come full circle? I can hope they stop worrying about me as the years pass, but somehow, I doubt it.

In addition to becoming intimately acquinted with the concrete, there were other, much more minor things that made me (almost... a very BIG almost mind you) regret my independence this week. How about when you have a large load of groceries, etc. and you have to carry them in on your own? ... Oh wait, I did that where I lived before, nevermind ;) But the example stands. Struggling up a set of stairs with bags and keys, all a jumble.

But considering I struggled like crazy with the things listed above... as well as a few others... this week, I have to ask myself... Will I learn to adapt to these types of situations, or is "true" idenpendence a fallacy? I can kill a spider on my own, no problems. But life sometimes hits us hard (many times in the knee) and I have to ask... Do we all need at least one person who can be there for us at any given time?

~Wildflower

2006-09-19T01:04:00.000-07:00

So here I am in my brand new apartment of my own :) I can say I have been here only three days and I think I love it. It is small, but fits all my stuff perfectly, and I have plenty of space left over. Maybe it is the fact that for the first time I am living on my own, maybe it is the fact that I have a garden view and located in the heart of the complex, maybe it is the complex's proximity to interesting things nearby... but everytime I look around I feel good. And maybe a bit of a sense of accomplishment. Now, if I could only stop worrying about money, I'd be content :)

So, as a "toast" to my new life on my own, and plenty of new beginnings that will spring from it, I am posting a recent picture of myself. This is huge because I rarely even allow pictures to be taken of myself lately. I tend to cringe whenever I see current pictures of myself, so I try to avoid them altogether. However, when I got this picture back from the lab today, I started to cringe, but then I smiled a little instead. I think this is a huge step, so I am sharing it with you all. So for your viewing pleasure and for my ceremonial ringing in of a new life, here is a shot of my brother and I at the SF Fringe Festival opening night party last weekend:

~Wildflower

P.S. TONS OF THANKS to all my movers who helped so much last weekend! :)

MOVING!!!!

2006-09-13T00:54:00.000-07:00

This is me:

HELP!

I should be packing...

2006-09-05T21:50:00.000-07:00

...but I am not. Nope I am not. And I am not ashamed, I will advertise my laziness for the world to see. Actually, I don't think "laziness" is the real culprit here. The minute I think about what I still need to do before, during, and after I move, I feel so overwhelmed that have the sensation of slowly sinking under water. Although I have made quite a bit of headway, I have a closet and a garage that have become a time capsule of clutter. Two years worth of carelessly stashed things that maybe didn't matter... Or I couldn't figure out how they mattered at the time. Last night I had a dream that I was all packed up, had a bunch of people carrying my stuff, and then I couldn't find my new apartment! When I did find it, it more closely resembled a hospital room. Bathroom and a bed. Somehow, this is not a good sign.

However, I did get to FINALLY see my new place today, and even though it is quite a bit smaller than the place I am used to, it is a far cry from a hospital ward. It seems my new apartment manager may share my frustration with my current manager's constant absenteeism... A cleverly placed smirk on her part seemed to tell me so.

And then... I get home... AND SOMEONE HAS TAKEN OUR MAIL! GREAT! I have no idea what to do. This has never happened to me before, and it is surprisingly violating. I just hope the mailman left it open and some kind person took it to the office. Of course, the absent landlady may be no help. Maybe my mail slipped into the same black hole that steals her away. Hmmm.

So... for a strange end to a strange day, I talked to a friend... someone I only know online, and even slightly at that... for a while and it turns out he is going through a lot of the same things I am right now. We discussed wine, velveeta, and separation. Yep. Oh, and how I am "stressed out beyond the edge of reason", much like the door to my closet and the shelves in my garage. These things have become my dirty little secrets, a part of me that I don't even want to admit exists. Especially the velveeta.

~Wildflower

Writer's Block

2006-08-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

Is it perpetual??? An epidemic??? What's important enough to put down??? What should absolutely be edited out??? How does one quantify experiences and events? At risk of sounding too existential, in the end does any of it really matter? Maybe that is truly the "big" question we all face. What does matter?

And, on a non-rhetorical note, I found an apartment. I will have my first place on my own on Sept. 15th.

~Wildflower

Life and Lists

2006-08-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

So, things that have happened since my last post:
1. Mike and I have decided to split up. Yeah. Sigh. I'd write more, but I am not sure exactly how to express things right now. The basis for the decision is that neither of us has been happy for a long time.
2. Found out that my "home" theatre, Kiley's is closing in November. I am doing crew on the last two shows. Double sigh.
3. A kindly old neighbor of my parents' passed away. I had known him since I was about five years old. We called him Mr. Colonel. We miss him. Too many sighs to mention.
And just in case you thought this list was all negative...
4. I went camping with my dad's family for four days. It was a blast. We had almost too much fun, as we got noise complaints... TWICE! Hell yeah. Long live chili and spam, but avoid the vomitorium (ask me if you curious).
So... this weekend (Sat. to be exact) is my 10 year high school reunion. In light of things that have been happening recently, I almost decided not to go (which would be very bad because I am on the committee). But I changed my mind, and after Tuesday's committee meeting, I am looking forward to it. And I am giving myself major credit for having the guts to do so. I will have more to post on that later. But in light of current events, plus this weekend's milestone, I have another list. I am 28, and 29 is coming at the end of the year, so I have decided that I need to get my life together by my 30th birthday. In my early 20's, I thought I'd be happily married and ready to have my first child by 30. Well obviously THAT is not going to happen. Someone told me once that God laughs at your plans... I can't help but believe ... heck, KNOW that is true now. So here is the new "plan" with a little room for interpretation.
1. For once AND FOR ALL deal with my compulsive eating and get to a healthy weight. If this was the only thing in this list I accomplish by 30, I'd still be grateful.
2. Get a steady place to live. Yep. No more nomad stuff.
3. Get my finances/debt in order. Get a savings account and retirement plan!!!
4. Learn how to forgive myself for mistakes and not to judge people because of my own securities.
5. RELAX! Learn how to really have fun and enjoy myself again.
6. Find a healthy hobby.
7. Forgive. Nuff said.
8. Learn to like myself again. I miss me.
So... that is that. Comments? Suggestions? Silly hats? All are welcome.
~Wildflower

My how we grow

2006-07-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

A few years back (has it really been five already???) I wrote a paper in my senior composition class at SJSU. The topic matter was about simple pleasures and I actually wrote about abandoning homework to play in the lush summer grass with a child and a dog. And I managed to get an A. Nice, huh? But it was true. Sunday nights during weekend visits at home in the spring in late summer, I would always have a hard time finishing homework or packing the car to leave. I was always drawn to the silly fun my bother and I had with our sweet little dog and the seven-year old neighbor next door. Sometimes we just ran around, sometimes we actually organized a game of wiffle ball and picked up players of all ages around the neighborhood. It was such a guilty pleasure to be out in the early or late summer season evening, to feel the coolness of the night air and the softness of the grass beneath my feet. (Official wiffle ball footwear includes flip flops or nothing, in case you were wondering.) I knew I had other things I needed to be doing, and I would be up until the wee hours of the morning back in my apartment in San Jose finishing up what I ignored earlier. But I didn't care. I was out with my favorite people in the world. Family, friends, and the coolest little kid in the world. Haley.

I first met Haley when I was 16 on the day she came home from the hospital. My newest next door neighbor, and the daughter of my own childhood baby-sitter (also one of my favorite people in the world). I think I loved her instantly. From then on she became sort of an adopted baby sister to my brother and me. We spent hours playing with her, teasing her, laughing with her. For a long time, she would do whatever we told her. Although I miss those days, I am glad she now has a mind of her own! Watching her grow up as I struggled through my teenage years, then early adulthood, now real-life adulthood really put a lot of perspective on things that maybe I wouldn't have understood otherwise.

So tonight, we relieved those old silly days (the guilty pleasure days) from my college years. The bats and the wiffle balls came out after dinner with the folks and we had a great time laughing and just being silly. We hadn't done this in YEARS! Funny how after college graduation with the guilt being gone, the games died out. Is it because we don't appreciate things as much when they aren't slightly forbidden? I don't know, but it felt great to be out there again, barefoot and laughing. Haley needed it as well. She is 12 now, and she is beginning to feel the weight of the world (in adolescent terms anyway). And... she starts junior high school tomorrow morning. My 'baby' is going to a big world in the morning. She is very nervous and I can completely sympathize, I remember being scared stiff the night before I went. She is even going to my old junior high. She got a lot of pep talks tonight, and I hope she keeps her head up high. She has begun to remind me much of myself when I was 12. Even though nothing scared me more than the big new school, I did ok myself. But sometimes it is very hard to watch someone grow so much before your eyes. But I am proud of her, and I will be thinking of her all day tomorrow... She has got a lot of heart and I think she will be okay in her big new world.

I think I just grew up a bit myself.

~Wildflower

Grace Kelly!

2006-07-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

I came across this on Yahoo toady, and just tried it out. It is pretty cool. You upload a photo of yourself (one with a good, close shot of your face) and it scans your face and matches features to celebrities. The best one I got was Grace Kelly. That was nice after a really crap day! :) You have to register, but it is free. Check it out:

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php

~Wildflower

More party pictures!

2006-07-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

Bill is on fire!

Mike looks hot... Smile darnit!

Jason and Dad get down... Like father, like son!

Mom and I listen. Pretty sure Dad is still talking! :)

Ok, time for everyone to go. We wore out the dog!

40 Years, Let's Party

2006-07-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, last weekend my brother and I threw a party for my parents' 40th Wedding Anniversary. It was a little scary because we have never done anything like it without their help, but it worked out great, and everyone had a wonderful time. We are very happy with how everything turned out. I posted some pictures below, but there are still more to come. Some of my favorites got lost because my computer died this weekend (actually, it kind of exploded... message me and I will explain hehe). I will have them re-sent to me and will post them later. But for now, enjoy!

Cutting the cake.

Mom and Dad relive their first dance :)

Me and my favorite kid-monster, Haley

Jason and Haley... Can anyone say La Migra?

Party Party

2006-07-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

The family before the party... and why I am going to the gym before work tomorrow!

Care enjoying a drink.

How sweet!

Is Dad STILL talking???

More Party!

2006-07-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

Captivating our guests?

A toast!

Party Time!!!

2006-07-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Dad giving his toast

Jason working on his

Holy crap! I am actually posting a blog?

2006-04-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

Not that I have anything that exciting to say anyway I have felt that things in my life have been too uninteresting to write about lately. Or they involve other people and I don't broadcast other people's business. You know, at one time in my life I was a bit of a gossip. But be burned badly once... and haven't we all... and your thoughts on the matter change.

But after a good meal (I loooove Peking's Chinese. Some people indulge with chocolate, I indulge with Chien Pi chicken) and a couple good glasses of wine so I figured what the heck, I might actually put some thoughts to words, especially since I have been thinking a lot lately. A lot. More than I have in years. Sometimes it is significant, like immigration debates (I don't even think I can BEGIN to tell you how conflicted on the issue), war... etc. Sometimes middle-of-the road things like my mom and dad's upcoming 40th wedding anniversary, or how my Kindercare students are doing three years later. And sometimes it is totally insignificant, like the new shoes I bought or the latest episode of the Simpsons. But it is kind of nice knowing I don't have to rush anywhere Saturday and Sunday mornings and I can lay in bed and just think for a while. Considering the only times I usually get a glimpse of what is going on in my head, it comes from the crazy dreams I have every night. Like my Linda and her 31 umbrellas. Or running from voodoo people on circular stairs. Don't ask, I don't understand them either. Is it bad I don't understand things my own head is making up?

But yeah, the "conscious" thinking I have when I wake up in the mornings on weekends is kind of nice. It's good just to shut things out and focus on what's in my head for a while. I'd highly recommend it.

So... hope everyone out it blogland is well. Peace, love, happiness, and much cowbell to you all.

~Wildflower

Quick Update/Apology

2006-02-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

Since I have been home fighting the second round of the cold/plague that has been going around, I figured I have had enough TV (especially the daytime crap lol) and would post. I haven't written much lately, so just thought I would give a quick update. Unfortunately, there is not a whole lot to say. Just plugging away waiting for spring ... baseball and then camping season, oh and of course the end of cold season!!! :) My best friend from college surprised me by coming to visit last weekend, and she will be back at the end of the month. We are looking forward to a fun weekend. Made some yummy Italian sausage with my mom's family a few weeks ago, and with a couple exceptions, it was great to see everyone. I felt very Italian that day, I have become almost a link-tying expert. It's a lost art. hehe

I also have to give some apologies for my attitude and some of my behavior lately. I know my blog is a weird place to do this, but to be honest I am not sure really how many people have noticed or been affected. I have had a tremendous amount of stress on me lately, and I failed to find a proper outlet for it. Without doing so, the stress dissolved into a lot of anger and frustration.. and, well, I will just say it. A lot of the time I have been behaving like a bitch lately. It finally came to a head last weekend, and I embarrassed myself and some friends, and I feel terrible about it. Now that I have been able to look back and see some of the ways I have been behaving (talking, etc) lately, I am ashamed. This is not the real me. So if any of you have been affected by it, please accept my deepest apologies. I have recognized my behavior and am working to find positive outlets for stress ... and not letting this dissolve into anger, and not letting myself overreact anymore. Again, I am very sorry and promise to find my kinder, nicer self again.

I hope all is well with all of you.

~Wildflower

Video

2006-01-30T22:13:00.000-08:00

My friend has got me hooked on Google video. Which is good, because I think by this time each winter I get critically bored:

I love this old lady

An example of the late Mitch Hedberg's Comedy. If you had not seen him perform before, he was not always this jumpy in his acts.

~Wildflower

Cheap annoying post!

2006-01-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

I promised myself I would post today but I have a raging headache. So instead, I am gonna let y'all play with this silly site a friend emailed me today. Check it out if you are bored for three minutes or so... And don't worry, it DOES have an end, I promise. And yes, I really was that bored!

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=747

~Wildflower

Happy 60th Dad!

2006-01-13T11:24:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to this man! Yes, the main influence of weirdness in my life, as well as the Appalachian Monkey's! Above you can see him with me in front of the Wal-Mart in Puerto Vallarta last summer... yes, Wal-Mart has invaded Mexico... beware!

And the second picture is to remind him that he is always cool, shorts and socks and all... gotta love the socks! ;-)

Love ya dad!

~Wildflower

Long strange day

2006-01-09T21:05:00.000-08:00

Posted a pic of where I wanted to be all day, outside. Instead I was at work, and a weird day at that. There has been a lot of change lately and I just don't know how things will affect me yet. It might be a weird ride, then again things might not change much at all.

The January blues has set in for sure. I knew this was gonna happen, just check back a few posts. I am all-knowing like that :) Why is it a new year makes you realize what a rut you are in?

Enjoy the picture above. I went for a long walk this weekend on the levee behind my apt. The shot you see was taken with the end of Hammer Lane (west end) at my back. If you hopped the fence, climbed up the bank and managed to jump the slough, this is what you would see. It always amazes me that I can look one way and see gas stations and fast food places, and then turn around and see all the way to the horizon, with the only evidence of the city behind me in the sound of traffic. All separated by a mere six-foot wide slough. Just like two very different worlds colliding.

~Wildflower

New Year's Resolutions

2006-01-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah yeah I make them every year, but this time they are public so maybe I will have a chance at sticking to them.

1. Lose weight (duh) But more importantly, actually learn how to control eating habits and get into a regular exercise routine.

2. Learn what should upset me and not be so passive; AND learn what shouldn't anger me and just let things go. Oddly, I have troubles with both.

3. Do something to expand my horizons... and no I don't mean "Best of Both Worlds" ;) I mean going back to school, etc.

4. Be less judgmental.

5. Work harder.

6. Clean up my finances.

7. Do something completely out of the ordinary, even something that may scare me a little. For example, not chickening out when I have opportunities like going on a rainforest canopy tour on a zip line. Yeah. Stuff like that :)

8. Be more patient.

I will probably think of more later, but this seems to be a good start :-)

~Wildflower

Happy New Year!!!!

2006-01-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

What a weekend! In four days ( thankfully four days without work :) ), I turned a year older, welcomed a new year, and became an aunt!!! Yes, this morning around 11:30 my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby boy, mom and baby are doing fine. Hopefully Mike and I can rustle up the month to go visit them next month and meet our nephew. I am hoping these are all good signs for 2006, because 2005 was a tough one.

Well, I hope you are all having a good new year so far, check back later for more posts, as I am sure there will be more now that holidays have slowed down.

~Wildflower

Movie Whore?

2005-12-26T22:33:00.000-08:00

Try it out! Some of these I have seen are a little embarassing. Some come from five hour plane rides where there was NOTHING else to do :) Post a response if you post it to your blog.

Put an X by the movies you've seen.If you get more than 70, you're a movie whore.
COPY AND REPOST! PLACE YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT LINE

( ) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
( ) Garden State
(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
Total here: 5

( ) Anchor Man
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
(x)White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
Total here: 7

( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Resident Evil I
Total here: 7

( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
( ) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
Total here: 5

(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (I was too busy playing poker at the annual marathon to watch)
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I Robot
(x) Dodgeball
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came A Spider
Total here: 3

( ) Deep impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
Total here: 4

(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
Total here: 7

(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
Total here: 4

(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Seven (SE7EN)
(x) Oceans Eleven
Total here: 6

( ) Oceans Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) Independence day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
Total here: 3

(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
Total here: 4

(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) X-men 1
(x) X-men 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
Total here: 8

( ) Ring of Fire
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
( ) Old School
( ) Ray
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Total here: 2

( ) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
(x) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
Total here: 5

(x) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
(x) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap
Total here: 5

(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator
(x) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
( ) Wild Girls
( ) A Clockwork Orange
( ) The Order
(x) Spiderman
( ) Spiderman 2
Total here: 4

( ) Amelie
(x) Mean Girls
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) The Incredibles
( ) Collateral
( ) The Fast & The Furious
( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious
( ) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
( ) Closer
Total here: 4

(1/2) Titanic (can I count a half for this one? It was on the whole time, but I only remember half!!!)
( ) Saved
(x) Bowling For Columbine
(x) Farenheit 9/11
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) Artificial intelligence (AI)
(x) Love actually
( ) Shutter
(x) Ella Enchanted
(x) Princess Diaries
Total here: 7 1/2

(x) Princess Diaries 2
( ) Constantine
( ) Million Dollar Baby
(x) Envy
( ) Eurotrip
( ) Malibu's Most wanted
( ) Big Daddy
( ) Black Sheep
(x) The Breakfast Club
(x) West Side Story
Total here: 4

(x) A Christmas Story
(x) Spanglish
(x) Pulp Fiction
( ) Sleepover
(x) The Evil Dead
( ) Killer Klowns From Outer Space*
( ) The Seed of Chucky
( ) Vanilla Sky
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
( ) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Total here: 5

(x) Interview With The Vampire
(x) The Crow
( ) Purple Rain
( ) Reservoir Dogs
(x) Wayne's World
(x) Wayne's World 2
( ) 21 Grams
( ) Blow
(x) Edward Scissorhands
(x) Clerks
Total here: 6

(x) Beauty and the Beast
( ) Guess Who
( ) Monster In-Law
(x) Elf
( ) Stuart Little
( ) Stuart Little 2
(x) Mall Rats
(x) Chasing Amy
(x) Dogma
(x) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Total here: 6

(x) Beetlejuice
( ) The Last Samurai
( ) The Amityville Horror
( ) The Aviator
(x) Romeo + Juliet
( ) Barbershop
(x) Beauty Shop
(x) Legally Blonde
( ) Legally Blonde 2
(x) The Forgotten
( ) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
(x) Grudge
Total here: 6

Ok, 117 to 117 and 1/2 depending on whether or not you give me the half point ;) So I am am movie whore!

~Wildflower

And a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

2005-12-24T22:10:00.000-08:00

I will admit that as I am writing this I am a bit teary-eyed. I am sitting in my pj's watching "A Christmas Story" thinking about the evening that just passed before me. I started it out at my aunt and uncle's house. Now, some of you may not know, but this particular aunt was seriously ill TWICE this year. She got through cancer only to have a heart attack a couple months later. Now she is fine, but if anyone can complain about 2005 it is her :) And even though I had to be around a couple cousins I really have troubles getting along with (trust me, I have VERY good reason) it was worth it to be there and see her so happy to have people in her house for Christmas Eve.

Next I headed over to the house of a good family friend. Christmas Eve at their house has been a tradition for years, but I have not been there since the husband died of cancer a year and a half ago. Last year I was in KY and the year before he was too sick to handle having people over for the holiday. I went, glad that the tradition was still going but nervous about the evening without his presence. He was truly one of the funniest, most personable people I have ever met. And to top that he opened up the bar to me the Christmas I was 16 ;) Things were weird at first, but after the ice was broken, drinks were poured, things started looking pretty good. His 25 year old son looks a lot like he may be working on taking his dad's place. My only concern was our deceased friend's very elderly mother who was there, and didn't have much of an idea of what was going on due to Alzheimer's. She was left alone quite some time after dinner so on the suggestion of my mother, I went over to talk to her and keep her entertained. I have known this woman since I was nine years old, and she had no idea who I was and in fact asked three times if I was related to everyone. She asked many questions over and over again and at one point even forgot her daughter-in-law's name or how she was related to her... she became "The woman who lives here". Now this shocked me but I didn't let it show... She has obviously lost a lot but that is not my point... my point is, a lot of times people like her go ignored and lost. If you have someone like this in your circle of family and/or friends, please don't ignore them. If a conversation with them means repeating yourself over and over, so do it. It will mean so much to them, even if they don't know who you are or won't remember the conversation the next day. I know my conversation meant a lot to her when I brought up something she remembered and I think was shocked I did as well. She brought up a business she used to run with her late husband (a long since closed department store) and I mentioned I remembered the funny green van she used to drive with the store's logo on the side. I don't think I have seen anyone smile that big in a long time. She doesn't remember me and doesn't remember most people in her life. But when I brought up a notable piece of nostalgia from her life, is was something that sparked her memory and made her feel good.

So now I asks of you, please, even if you don't have a special memory, please talk to older people in your life, even if their memory is not so good. It will mean the world to them.

So, in closing, I have the following sentiments to share.

To Roy, we miss you a lot. You should be proud of your family.

To Eric, thanks for trying to fill your dad's shoes.

To Auntie, I love you, I am so happy you are here with us and healthy again.

To the creator's of "A Christmas Story", thanks. Thank you for reminding (and assuring) us that some things never change.

And last but not least, to my friends and family, thank you. You know why.

Merry Christmas

~Wildflower

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah!

2005-12-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

My pet peeve of the moment: To all you "Bah Humbugs" out there... I am tired of you. Stop it. Personally, I don't want to hear anyone tell me how much they hate Christmas anymore. I like Christmas, and always have. And no, it is not the shopping or stuff, I can SO do without that part. It is the spirit I have always loved. So please stop. I wouldn't go up to a very patriotic person and tell them I hate 4th of July with a passion without being asked (PS I don't hate it but just an example). I know some of you have very good reasons to hate Christmas/the Holidays... But I think you are putting the blame in the wrong place. My Christmas/Holiday wish for you is to not let your bad experiences keep a hold on you. Nothing should ever control you so much that you hate an entire month out of the year (This is advice I am going to have to take from myself in January ;) ) ... My suggestion is to give yourself the gift of freedom from the past. Don't forget but let go. Instead of hating Christmas/the Holidays, I would suggest going out and doing something nice for someone else. No matter how small it is, just reach out. That is what this time of year is about. If you don't know where to start, The Sleepless Walrus has some great suggestions (see the link to his blog on my sidebar) and I personally recommend volunteering/donating the Emergency Food Bank in your area. Nothing better than giving a hungry family a nice holiday dinner. Or donate time/toys to a children's shelter. Be creative, but don't be filled with bad feelings :)

And for my biggest pet peeve from a certain set of "Bah Humbug-ers" out there... The far conservative right and the far liberal left are both taking things way too seriously this time of year! The holiday season should be filled with love and acceptance... It is truly not the end of the world if the Wal-Mart greeter says "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas". If you believe, your faith should be strong enough to realize that the sentiment does not diminish the religious message of your holiday. When the clerk at the store looks at you, he or she doesn't automatically see a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, etc., he or she sees a person they want to enjoy their own celebrations this time of year. So let it go!!! And on the other end of the spectrum, if your neighbor has a nativity scene in their yard, that is not offensive! They are showing their faith on their property and that's their right... and we should have respect for their beliefs. And if someone does happen to tell you "Merry Christmas" and if you don't celebrate, it is not an insult. Smile and tell them you celebrate your own holiday but wish them a Merry Christmas themselves. Let things go, relax, and have a good time. :)

That being said, I am going get to the explanation of the title of this post. With all the conflict out there, don't we need a holiday we can all enjoy and laugh a little? Hehe. See below, and Happy Holidays! ;)

I have to admit I have been thinking about this part of the post all day, just because of a too-funny marketing ploy that really isn't such a silly idea after all, if you think about it. Why not a holiday we can all enjoy? Have a Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah for me, and please check out the site below. Yes, I know it is more marketing but please listen to "The Jews" song, it is too much :) And no one take offense, it is all in good fun!

http://www.chrismahanukwanzakah.com/

~Wildflower

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

Hope all of you are having a good December so far! I promise to post something more next week, just wanted to give all of you a view of a nice picture I took of my parents' tree and Sadie! Happy Holidays!

~Wildflower

The Remains of the (Turkey) Day

2005-11-26T13:17:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have not been posting for a while, I haven't had too much to write about. But that could be a good thing I suppose. But I thought I would share pics of random things from my Thanksgiving weekend so far. The top is a car I happened upon coming out of Target on Wednesday night. Someone filled a car with balloons, plastic wrapped it, and wrote "Happy Birthday" all over it. I thought it was very clever and got a good chuckle out of it. I can imagine some poor Target employee coming out of a long pre-black Friday shift finding his or her car all wrapped up. He he.

The second pic is from my family's Thanksgiving Day at my parents' house. My brother the Appalachian Monkey wanted the turkey leg so we made sure he ate it barbaric style. UGH ME WANT TURKEY AND BRUSSEL SPROUT SODA. Yes, I said brussel sprout soda. Curious? Just plain crazy? Check out Jones Cola's Holiday soda package (http://www.jonessoda.com/files_new/turkey05.html).

Hope all of you had a good weekend so far and a good Saturday and Sunday. Won't mention Monday yet ;)

The cheese stands alone.

~Wildflower

Cold medicine and spilled lasagne!

2005-11-14T22:16:00.000-08:00

So that describes my weekend in a funny sort of way! I should have had the best weekend in the world these last few days, but unfortunately a nasty cold from hell kept me from enjoying it as much as I could have. But it still was quite fun. I had three days off, and got to see my best friend from college, Shelby. She lives in Southern CA, and I haven't seen her in six months. Despite her flight being delayed Thurs. night ( oh how we love Southwest! ), the weekend started off well. I got to go to lunch with her and a friend on Fri., and on Sat. my brother's girlfriend, Bernice, and my family and I had a surprise 25th b-day for my brother (see his link on the sidebar). It was fun but sooo much work keeping it from him. We were very relieved when he walked in and had an absolute look of shock on his face! Especially since the lasagne had spilled so shortly before. Yep, a whole tray of lasagne all over the oven, the floor, the wall, and my mom. Ten minutes before people arrived I was scooting across my parents' kitchen floor with damp towels on my feet doing damage control... of course sneezing the whole time because of my darned cold. I think I still have some sauce in my shoe... Needless to say that as soon as my brother arrived, we all grabbed a glass of wine in relief :) Hey, if nothing goes wrong, it is not a party at our house!

So the rest of the weekend was fun with karaoke at Bogey's and in Livermore, and seeing Shelby when I wasn't sleeping off my cold :-P So I hope you all had a great weekend and an ok Monday! (Can Mondays ever be more than ok? hehe)

~Wildflower

Halloween!

2005-11-05T01:26:00.000-08:00

So here's two pictures of me in different Halloween costumes this year. In the first pic you will see me and Mike at the Bogey's Halloween party last Saturday... He was a pregnant nun and I was a sexy nurse. You can't see it in the pic, but the skirt was very short... yikes! And on Monday, for actual Halloween, I wore a cat outfit all day. Much more work and kid friendly. I handed out candy with my parents and then spent some time with my good friend Katy handing out candy in her family's haunted garage. That is where the second pic is taken, with one of her props behind me ( no, it is not a new boyfriend :-P ) Hope all of you have had great Halloweens! I have been busy lately doing lights for "Peter's Friends" at the Empire Theatre in Stockton. If you have the chance, come see it! :)

~Wildflower

All Pay Homage to the All Powerful Goat!

2005-10-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

A candy dish so ugly, it is worthy of worship!!! Yes, I look at this for forty hours every week ;-)

~Wildflower

I'm here

2005-10-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

So it has been a little over a month, and I am not quite sure if anyone even looks at my blog anymore, but that's ok, it was my decision to not write for a while. I will have to see who is still out there.

So not that I have anything especially world shattering to say right now. I am taking things one day at a time. It seems that the gossip has eased off, either that or I just stopped hearing it, but either way it's a good thing. In fact, even though it hurt terribly, something good did come out of it. Although I have never considered myself a "gossip" (not by a long shot) but this whole experience has brought my attention to how I speak of people. I made a few realizations of my own and am now very conscious of how I talk about others and the conversations I involve myself in. I would never want to make anyone feel the way I felt when things were being said about me. Not even the ones who were saying it (I still don't know who it was and definitely don't care to know now, I am just using an example). I think everyone deserves respect and dignity. Well, maybe not mass murderers, rapists and child molesters, but you know what I mean :)

So hope you are all well, stop by and say hello. Maybe I will come up with something more interesting to write soon.

~Wildflower

Rumors

2005-09-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention in the last few days that there have been quite a few rumors going around about me... some of them vicious... lately that have greatly hurt me and some people around me. What is worst is I know that whoever started and/or continued these rumors is at least somewhat close to me. No, I don't know who it is and I don't think I care to know. But it hurts a lot. All the new rumors are just that, rumors. There is not a shred of truth about any of them. There has also been some gossip about my past that has been resurfacing lately. Most of it is half-truths, the people spreading this gossip don't know the whole truth. Some of it is outright false, and some of it is true. But the fact of the patter, it is in the past, my past, it whoever (again I don't know who) is spreading it really should consider how their actions affect people before they speak.

So I have decided that I am not posting on my blog for a while, as things I post here and the comments I receive will probably just fuel things more. I am going to stop until the rumors and gossip have subsided some. This does not mean I plan to stop talking to people, if you would like to talk to me you are welcome to email me or give me a call, I will be very happy to hear from you. I just like some privacy in my life, and having an open forum about it doesn't seem fit with that wish.

So I will leave you all with this last thought as it may be quite a while before my next post. Rumors and gossip are nothing but destructive, no good can come of either of them. They hurt more than just the person who is gossiped about, they often hurt a lot of people around them. Next time anyone has the urge to spread a rumor or gossip, I would suggest talking to the subject of the gossip first. See how they are feeling. Afterwards, I doubt anyone would still want to spread potentially hurtful things around.

~Wildflower

Interesting or just plain weird?

2005-09-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

So I am sitting here bored out of my mind not really able to do anything but sit around as I am sweating out a low-grade fever at the moment. I don't have chills or anything, I am just hot. Really hot. And it is about 60 degrees out right now and I am sitting next to the open window. And go figure, I got to go spend an oh-so-happy two hours at my favorite (insert sarcasm here) place, Kaiser this afternoon. I was feeling better until I left there. Go figure!

So in absence of me doing anything cool tonight to write about, I have posted another picture I took in Lake Tahoe. I saw my foot there through the clear water, and for some reason I needed to capture it. Thoughts? As the title of this post says, interesting or just plain weird?

~Wildflower

Yellow Fish in a Brown Pond

2005-09-12T23:17:00.000-07:00

So here is a picture of my trip to Tahoe over the weekend. I had to take all my pics on my phone because I forgot my camera. Nothing too exciting, it was fun but no great photo ops. But I did love this fish. He was bright yellow thing hanging out in a tank of brown spotted trout. He hung out right next to the glass until I walked away, like he wanted me to take his picture. Apparently this is an exotic fish breed introduced to Lake Tahoe many years ago but thrived in the Lake environment, despite bearing no resemblance to his fellow lake-dwellers. I though he was neat, I've been to Tahoe many times but never seen one of his breed. He was the only one of his kind I could see through the glass, but there were a lot of trout swimming around. Don't we all feel like this little yellow fish sometimes?

~Wildflower

Back to WW

2005-09-06T23:37:00.000-07:00

So I rejoined Weight Watchers tonight, and I was happy that the group at the Stockton center was much more diverse and lively than the one at the Lodi center where I used to go. I sat down and was instantly chatting with the women around me. But I am sure some of my posts from now on will be me b!tching about points points points. Agh. To be honest I didn't miss those at all while I was off the program. But at my weigh-in today, I discovered that I am tied for the heaviest I have ever been again, time to do something. And my counselor told me a couple weeks ago that one of the best treatments for compulsive eating is writing down everything I eat, so I figured going back on Weight Watchers would be like killing two birds with one stone, and she agreed. Even though I will probably screw most of it up while I am Tahoe this weekend, at least I have a start.

Hope all of you had a good day back from the three-day weekend!

~Wildflower

One of the coolest things I have done

2005-09-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

So see the picture to the left. That is the living room floor of my parents' house. Some of you were there to witness this. About five years ago, they had to rip out the carpet and replace it with pergo wood paneling because our older pets were ruining (ok, let's be honest, had ruined) the carpet. We ripped out the carpet weeks before the pergo was put in because the smell had gotten bad. So we had this great okie-rigged cement floor, where you could see where the house builders had spilled paint in 1977. One night my dad and I were looking at it, commenting on the history you could see in the floor, and he said "I should take a can of spray paint and write 'Fred' across the middle of the floor"... All of a sudden I was a kid again... I looked at him and stammered "Can we do that?" and his response was "I don't give a shit". Needless to say I ran into the other room to get my brother and the friends we had over, yelling "Guys, guess what Dad said we can do?!?!?!?". So we spent the next few hours painting the floor, calling over any neighbor who was home and just covered it with random stuff. We even had our 8 year old neighbor climb through the window to help out (didn't want her walking through wet paint, she was happy to oblige and come through the window). We made the greatest abstract mural, and the best part is, it is still underneath the wood paneling in the living room, awaiting some future home owner to find it. I really like the fact that my family is forever tied to the house.

~Wildflower

Fruit on bottom, hope on top

2005-08-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, so great quote I heard on comedy radio today, but I am not sure quite how to apply it here. It just really got my attention today. If you don't know, it comes from the late comedian Mitch Hedberg (http://www.mitchhedberg.net/) who always made me laugh. The quote above refers to yogurt and contests on the back of those little lids, but for some reason today it described exactly how I felt, and yet I have no idea why. Maybe I feel fruity with a layer of hope over it? heh I don't think that's quite it but it is something to think about. If you have any of your own thoughts about the quote, I'd love to hear them. For now... I think Family Guy is calling me.

Till later!

~Wildflower

Test

2005-08-25T00:46:00.000-07:00

Ok... so many of you have heard the rumor that the Mr. and I are no longer together. Which is true. I moved back to my parents' house late Sunday night/very early Monday morning. Thanks to SleeplessWalrus and Appalachainsalsa (the best brother in the world) for the help and Denny's trip at 3 AM. I don't know what else to say right now, I don't want to hurt anyone further or make things worse. What I can say is that I miss him greatly, and I didn't want things to end. In the absence of knowing what to say, I have a quiz below that Shan'Celle (see link) mentioned on her blog that she hoped I would take:

Seven things you plan to do before you die!!
1. Have children
2. Do something more professionally... just don't know what. Become a lawyer or professor are possibilities.
3. Visit Europe, and see family in Germany and Italy.
4. Overcome my compulsive eating.
5. Love myself without any conditions
6. Find true love.
7. Learn how to stand up for myself.

Seven things you can do!!
1. Learn how to stand up for myself.
2. Be alone without being sad.
3. Do something else professionally.
4. Lose weight-Lord knows I have done it before.
5. Learn to cook like my mother.
6. Drive a stick shift
7. Sing some kick-a$$ karaoke

Seven things you can't do!!!
1. Whistle. Just can't do it, damn genetics.
2. Completey rid myself of anxiety. I have learned to accept that part of it will always be there.
3. Act very well. I know people will argue with me, but I know the truth.
4. Control everything (ditto)
5. Stop loving people I have loved in the past.
6. Stop worrying about what I eat and when.
7. Stop worrying about whether people like me or not.

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex!!
1. Dark Eyes/Hair
2. Smile
3. Sense of humor
4. Intelligence
5. That butt
6. Values
7. Willingness to stop everything and have fun

Seven things you say most!!!
1. I hate to type this but... "Sh!t"
2. "Oh my god"
3. "AHHHHHH"
4. "Um, ok"
5. "Is it drinking time?"
6. "I am so tired"
7. "I miss you"

Seven celebrity crushes!!!
1. Harrison Ford (especially in the Star Wars and Indie movies... yummm)
2. Christian Bale
3. Carey Elwes
4. Eddie Izzard (in heels as well)
5. Jim Carrey (yes I like silly men)
6. Jeff Goldblum
7. John Stamos (back from my teen days)

Seven people you want to take this quiz..
1. Monkey
2. Liese
3. Carolyn
4. Shelby
5. Katy
6. Bernice
7. Jeanine

plus whoever else would like too steal this is welcome to spread it around.

And add a little hope

2005-08-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

So I had my first in a series of classes at Kaiser to help me overcome my compulsive eating. (For those of you who didn't know... wait, where have you been? I have known this for years! :-D ) It was interesting, but of course just scratched the surface... but we do have 9 more classes to cover more material. I felt a little weird when I was the only one who could honestly say that I have experience all types of binge eating (although on a usual basis I only experience two) but I was the only one who had not tried more than five diets or more and failed. Just a couple for me. But lots to learn... Anyway, getting back on my point of the post, we were 15 minutes into the class when a lady I knew from my anxiety groups in the spring rushes in the door. I was very excited because since the groups ended, I have thought about her a lot. She was in the anxiety groups because she was facing some possible (and serious) health problems (I can't be more specific for confidentiality reasons). As I got to know her then, I became absolutely amazed at how strong she was and how much empathy she had for everyone in the group, despite her situation being much more scary than ours. She was a great listener and always had something supportive to offer others... Well, I haven't seen her in over two months, and I will tell you I have been praying for her (yes, I pray in my own way... recognizing individual spirituality is a really good thing) throughout that time. After the class, we spent a few minutes catching up on how things are going for us over the last couple months... I was so relieved to hear that she is ok!!! I don't think I smiled that much in a while. Even more amazing, she remembered everything I was going through back then and asked me about it today (even though she could have possibly been through hell and back the last two months) and we talked about my progress as well. Then we got on to what brought us to the class today and a few other things, and it turns out we have quite a bit in common in the area of what we are seeking help for. I felt I had an ally and am actually looking forward to these classes for the next nine weeks. I came home, put on some music and danced in the kitchen while I made dinner. The whole experience made me remember the fortune cookie post, and thought that sometimes, when you least expect it, a little hope glows in front of you.

~Wildflower

Dessert Wisdom

2005-08-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

A great "fortune" (although it is really not a fortune) I recently came across in a fortune cookie:

"Hope is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object."

It made me put down my yummy chien pi chicken and think.

~Wildflower

Cut my hair!!!

2005-08-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone who liked my hair long may not want to see me for a while. LOL Today Susie cut my hair and I told her to really cut it ... And she did! It is just above my shoulders in the front and just below in the back... wow. I lost 2 1/2 inches of hair. Gonna dye it a bit lighter tonight too. For some reason I need a slightly different look. Does anyone get a little tired of looking into the mirror everyday and seeing the exact same thing? I don't mean absolute hatred of the way you look or anything, just a lot of boredom. I got some new makeup the other day too, so it must be what I going through. I need some new clothes too but don't have the money right now! Soon!

So... other than randomly chopping and dyeing hair, I am ok. A little grumpy for some odd reason, but ok. I got mad at dust on the floor last night, I kid you not. But I am thinking it will pass. I get my head shrunk on Thurs., maybe that will bring some insights. Oh well, for now, will do my best not to make any drastic changes ;)

~Wildflower

You would think this was a good sign

2005-07-31T16:54:00.000-07:00

So here's another camping pic for all of you. This was on our way up the hill to Kennedy Meadow to fish... This was taken from the car... and what are we following? Yep, that's right, the fish-planting truck. Newbie fish straight from the farm. A couple hours later we saw the fish actually being planted in the river at Kennedy. It was kind of funny, I had expected them to be released from the truck directly, but no, the fish and game guys came over with nets full of squirming fish and threw them in the river. We asked if we could throw a line in the truck, but they didn't especially like the idea. :D And with freshly planted fish, was the fishing good? Nope, terrible. But hey, I fell in the river so we know the day was complete. Both my dad and I fell at some point in the weekend, and that's pretty much a requirement for our trips. That and big fires and Monkey's chili!!!!

Hope you all had a good weekend. Drop me a line sometime!

~Wildflower

Pictures!

2005-07-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

Ok... so come one, come all, experience the weirdness! As my brother mentioned on his blog, he burned his knuckle hair off and I took a pic. Unfortunately it came out blurry.... but see for yourself to the right. I have also included the pic of the Stockton Feilzer group.

I think I almost lost my mind at work today. You know it is bad when you tell your boss to go away because "...you are freaking out and that is making me nervous" my exact words mind you. And yes, my boss does have a sense of humor but does need to enhance his calm.... feel the chi, repulse the monkey! During publishing time my office-mate and I often tell him to go away when he gets too fussy. Too bad I can't do that with other people at work :D Anyway, I got through it but am going to go have some fun tonight. I will add more camping pictures tomorrow, so you can further see into the weirdness :)

~Wildflower

I'm Back!

2005-07-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

So I am back... I am dirty, tired, bruised, but had a damn good weekend. The funniest part was probably when I fell in the river. Yeah, it was awesome. No fish, unfortunately. And the uncle of mine who is moving to Missouri left before we even got there... he is now in MO and didn't say good-bye. I am a bit perturbed.

Anyway, I have got lots of pictures to share later, have to get them developed and scanned. I have some on my cell phone too, but my mobile web won't begin until tomorrow, so I can email them tomorrow. Hope you all had a good weekend, I must go clean dirt out of... well, everywhere!

I love the smell of panic in the morning

2005-07-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, so last day of work before CAMPING but of course I have to be having one of those crap mornings where absolutely nothing goes right. Oversleeping, zoning out in the shower, losing things, having to make multiple trips to the car because I kept forgetting things, having some random guy with incomprehensible speaking skills keep calling my cell phone, and then being late to work. I may be getting to the campground at midnight at this rate. I packed really fast last night too, so if I get there and I have forgotten something essential like my shoes I am going to be upset. Is it too early for beer? Hehe.

Well, I will not be posting for a few days, but I am sure I will have stories and pics to share when I get back. Have a great weekend!

~Wildflower

Here's Your Sign

2005-07-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it is Wednesday morning, the start of my third ten-hour day. I am beginning to get a bit stressed... Case in point, my shopping trip last night for camping supplies (ie, beer, fishing license, beer). So I was next in a massive line of people at the checkout counter, with only one checker working and judging by the speed she is moving, she is obviously new (not that I am saying this is her fault, just setting up the situation). The guy and girl in front of me are totally lingering, but apparently they can't linger standing close together at the END of the register... no, they have to do it far apart, blocking the whole register so I can't move up... my stuff is completely checked and I can't get anywhere near the ATM machine because they are lingering around, asking all sorts of inane questions, while the line grows and bends around the corner. I can hear the grumbles of people behind me. Then I hear something that almost sends me over the edge... I hear the girl ask the clerk "How late is your photo lab open?" to which the clerk responds "Until 5." ... Now, can we guess what hogging-all-the-space-at-the-register-girl's next question is???? Yep, that's right folks "In the evening?" NO IN THE MORNING YOU DWEEB! MOVE! And it is a good thing she did, because I might have wasted some precious beer hitting her in the head. All I can say is "Here's your sign!"

Sigh. I feel better. I am definitely going out tonight and relieving some stress. I know I shouldn't since I have to be up early and have one more 10 hour day tomorrow plus a two hour drive up to the mountains, but I think for sanity's sake, I need it. Anyone who goes to Bogey's, I will be there tonight relaxing, feel free to join me!

~Wildflower

Things I did this weekend

2005-07-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

1. Went to a pool party put on by James and Care. Awesome party guys! And it had a cool group of people there... It was nice, haven't been to a house party in a while, it was nice to have the whole DJ, bbq, beer thing going again.

2. Went to lunch with Katy... I hope that's not what made you sick girl! I am sorry :( But I did enjoy our chat and the lovely Chili's Southwestern Eggrolls... mmmmmm forbidden eggrolls.

3. Got a new phone. It is soooo coool. I have a new toy :D It takes pictures and video, I had a lot of fun with that last night. And it supposedly has a speaker phone, but I have not figured that part out yet. It is a huge upgrade to my ol' ghetto phone! Oh yeah, it makes phone calls too ;)

4. Went to the bar, drank, same some karaoke, saw some friends. Even had a few shots ;) And then hit Jack in the Crack on the way home.

5. Slept in. Yup. Should have gone to church, but I was very tired. I have a long week ahead of me so I think it will be ok. Will go the weekend I get back from camping, for sure. I think part of it is that I am a new member, and the minister who so impressed me ( and also welcomed me so openly ) in the beginning has left, and they have not found a new one yet. So it is a different person doing the service each Sunday. While the people are still very nice, and the sermons ok, it just doesn't seem to have the same dynamics as the services done by the most recent minister. And if you are curious because you have never heard me talk about religion, I will reassure you that I have been attending the Unitarian Church, which works very well with my values. If you want to take a look, here is the link to their website:

http://stocktonuu.inreach.com

6. Cleaned the bathrooms and emptied the garbage/recycling. The amount of garbage Mike (my husband for anyone I don't know who may be reading this) and I go through in one week is ridiculous. Yeah, it was totally exciting. It is hot out there and the dumpster smells. Yay.

7. What I am doing right now... posting on my blog and text messaging people. I can multi-task. I am special :D

Will do later:

8. Go to Mom and Dad's for dinner. I haven't seen them since last week so I owe them some quality time.

And then the rest of the day will play by ear. I am going to relax though, as I have to work 10 hour days Mon-Thurs so I can have Friday off for camping. My posts might be a little slim next week, but I will for sure post the following week and may even have camping pics to post.

Hope all reading this had a good weekend and good luck with the upcoming work week. Peace out!

~Wildflower

I'm melting...

2005-07-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well, not really. But at 104 degrees it sure feels like it. We had very special guests at work today and had to dress up in... and then sweat all over... nice "professional" clothes. What no flip flops? But apparently the meeting went well. As for me. I am ok. At least for now. My stress level went down quite a bit, no weeklong headache. I am feeling such weird ranges of emotions lately, I think it is part of my treatment process. I feel a little lonely, but I keep reminding myself that just because I am alone at the moment that doesn't mean I am alone ... or need to be lonely. Just got to keep kicking myself in the butt to get myself back on track.

I am looking forward to this weekend, it should be fun. Check my brother's blog (link on sidebar) for Mexico pictures, one of strange brass sculptures! I definitely should have taken more pictures, but I can always copy others. :) But since my work is never done, I have some chores to do before bed. So good night all, more posts soon!

~Wildflower

Blog Spam!

2005-07-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so no one told me there was such a thing as BLOG SPAM! I got a nice piece of "warning of earthquake danger" piece of spam posted to my blog by another user today... Someone I didn't know of course. How nice, huh? One more place to delete spam... I just hope the male-member enlargement ads don't make their presence known. :D And no too weird dreams last night, just dreams that I was in the middle of a snowstorm (even though it was ungodly hot last night) and needing to use the restroom real bad. No fun stuff like dancing cockroaches or anything. Maybe I'll eat some jalapenos tonight and see what happens! Hehe. Or maybe the chicken helper and white wine will do the trick. Yup, I am a real gourmet!

~Wildflower

Aye... los tacos

2005-07-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

Ok... too many tacos tonight, this will make for some weird dreams I am sure. I will probably have a couple to write about tomorrow! Care makes excellent tacos... too excellent for my own good I think! As long as I don't dream there are bugs on the ceiling or that my brother is drowning underneath the bed (yes, both of which I have dreamed before, and no, I was not drunk, stoned or otherwise chemically altered) I think I am ok. At least I have never had dreams about toasters catching paper towels on fire or hamsters running through giant walls of suds (Dad) so I can't be THAT weird, right? :D Yes, I am a bit silly tonight. I added a link on my sidebar to my brother's blog, check it out for some more family weirdness. At our annual camping trip week after next I will be taking pictures so I can share with you all. I must retire though, cause it is close to midnight and I have another day of battling invalid html tags tomorrow!

~Wildflower

Just stuff

2005-07-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

Well, nothing too exciting over the last two days, but I owe a post. Friday I spent with my parents, Saturday and Sunday with my husband and friends. We all went to see "12 Angry Men" at Kiley's Dinner Theatre in Lodi, the show was good, and the two leads were fantastic. Then did the obligatory Karaoke (which will do again tonight) and had a good time :) Today we had James and Care and their Austrian friend, Alex over for pizza, margaritas and videos. James brought his copy of "Bleacher Bums" (another Kiley's show he was in) as Mike and Alex had not seen it. I forgot how awesome that show was. I also got emailed pictures of my co-worker's baby (who was born very early Saturday morning) and he is adorable. I am glad mom and baby are ok :) Since I don't have much more to say for now, I am going to leave you with a picture of my favorite monster, Sadie.

~Wildflower

Vaccines and boosters

2005-07-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

So today was yet another day that was basically a carbon copy of the previous. The only thing that happened out of the usual (as in it happens, but not every week) is that I made yet another trip over to Kaiser to see my counselor and get a booster on a vaccine I began in late May. So my arm hurts and I have a nice bump but I'll get over it-until the next one anyway! But the more important part of the trip with the counselor. I talked to her for quite a while about many things but the one thing that stayed with me was telling her how I feel "stuck." "Stuck" as in not knowing what I want and not knowing my next goal in life. I feel as I live the same day over and over again, and at the moment don't have the opportunity to change things much... We jointly decided that I had "Groundhog Day" syndrome (the movie, not the holiday! If you haven't seen it, I urge you to); I keep reliving things until I "get it right." Although we agreed that my "reliving" was for very different reasons than Bill Murray, there was something to "getting things right." Which in this case means I need to start learning how to make decisions again (I lost that ability with my near-constant state of anxiety for a few weeks this spring, anxiety is gone but I have not regained my decision-making skills) and set goals, even tiny ones. But of course, me being me, I pointed out that sometimes things don't work out the way you want or intend them to, as you can not control anything other than yourself (something we learned to accept in anxiety management class) and there was a very real risk that I would have to reset my goals once again... But as she said "So what?" Really.. "so what?" I don't know actually, I don't have a good answer for that. So basically, I got two "boosters" today. One for the legitimate vaccine, and the other being much more abstract... A booster on anxiety, stress management, and self motivation. One was stuck in my arm by a injection technician, the other was stuck in my head by another a mental health technician ( a new pc word for counselor, I think... :-P )

So, I leave you with this thought--of what else do we periodically need a "booster"? I have a suspicion there are probably many more things that have not yet crossed my mind.

~Wildflower

Drunk and feeling strange

2005-07-07T00:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am drunk. So this post wont be long considering I have to get up very early tommorrow. Promise I will add more then. But had an interesting night full of excess, old friends, my husband, etc. I can say it always surprises me how these events turn out. Too many tears, not enough laughs this particular evening... Considering this, next time will definitely have more laughs. Sorry no profound thoughts, I think putting myself back together is more important than that right now. Any suggestions will be gladly accepted now.

~Wildflower

Getting the hang of it....

2005-07-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, thanks to happy hour and Linda and Becky, it took me a while to figure out posting pictures to profile/posts and editing links but I got it ;) The strange thing is, I edit links all the time at work! But happy hour was well worth it, too bad only laundry beckoned at home. I don't have anything too exciting to post about my day, just a double Monday (the term I used to describe Tuesdays after a three-day weekend). Fourth was way relaxed due to budget restraints, but I was glad to get outside at night with some old friends and see all the fireworks in my area... I still am working on the peat dirt on my shoes! I will leave you with a picture of one of my favorite places in the world, Kennedy Meadows, CA, near where I camp with my family in Pinecrest, CA. And I promise to come up with something a bit more thoughtful soon!

~Wildflower

2005-07-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

Kennedy Meadows
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My first post!

2005-07-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well, here goes, I have officially entered Blog-land! I am absolutely terrible at coming up with titles, etc., so I thought I would pretty stumped when it came to creating a title and URL for my blog. But for once in my life, a title just came to me. "Technical Difficulties" I have my company's IT department and my co-worker, friend, and office mate to thank for giving me help with this one. Last week I was facing a tight deadline to get something published to our website, and our boss was being quite grumpy... And to top it off our network was moving at snail's pace. When I finally finished editing the HTML program and hit "Send" I got those famous two words "Technical Difficulties", which completely obliterated the half hour of changes I had made to the file. As I don't like to use four letter words in the office, I felt the need to let out a large groan and hit the desk, prompting my buddy and office partner pop off her headphones and turn around... When I explained, she commented "I think today is a technical difficulty" ... I blurted out "My life is nothing but technical difficulties!" We laughed at the time, I got my work done and so on a so forth. But later that day, I started to think... Can one have technical difficulties in life? I began to ponder all the hurdles I have jumped and obstacles I have worked past (and the ones I am continuing to work past) in the last few months, and decided, yes, yes indeed. Technical difficulties truly do exist outside the "techie" world and are part of everyday life. Somehow it made me feel better too.. Maybe I am not losing control, maybe I am not spiraling downward... I am just having technical difficulties. And, true to point, I've already called in the repairmen.

So, I have a blog. A good URL, a good title. Let's see if I can find things to fill it.

~Wildflower